Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
