i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
