I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
