new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
