Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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