Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My penis needs a shock collar
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
