You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
so much tequila, so little girl.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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