She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
