my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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