I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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