Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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