I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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