It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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