Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
