I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
