her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
