Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
