We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
