While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
