The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
dude i'm inner monologue high
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Randomize
