apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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