i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
