Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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