I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
