So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize