I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
If I had your ass I would rule the world
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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