dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
It's Friday. Sex?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
