is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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