yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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