I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
