they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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