Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
