Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
