he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
