That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
