don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
