yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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