White coat. Heels.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
