blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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