my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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