She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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