Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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