Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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