I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
