i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
