I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
