So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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