Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
