fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
