My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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