found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I still have a little drunk in my system
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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