So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Mom said you looked used
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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