is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
It's Friday. Sex?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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