turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
When are your genitals available?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
