is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
