This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
