A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
