Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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