I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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