So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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