...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
