you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i would punch a child for taco bell
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
