i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
