There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize